Friday, November 28, 2008

"Malaysianising" my kids

You see, my kids were born in a foreign country..let that country be anonymous for the time being..for them, Malaysia is a place where we go for a holiday. So when we had to come back to Malaysia for good, it puzzled them why we had to leave their birth place and stay in a "foreign" country. We had to explain to them that we are Malaysians and that is our home. My eldest son had a harder time than his little sister because he had made a lot of friends in his school and around the neighbourhood that he felt it was not fair for us to leave the place. Plus the fact that he doesn't speak Malay, sacred him even more. This is from the previous visits to Malaysia where his cousins would refused to play with him because he can't speak Malay and they were not very good (and shy) conversing in English. We told him that it will be okay and he'll fit in eventually.

The first few months were tough, they missed their nanny and mommy wasn't exactly the happiest person on earth as she had to do all the housework (yep, mommy missed the nanny too!!). Life is not as luxurious here as it was overseas. We had to adjust ourselves to a few things and it was not easy. After a while, things started to settle down and my kids gradually "embrace" Malaysia. They were excited to see on TV the national day parade and kept saying merdeka and flying the flag for the whole was a teary-eyed moment for me. And when it was raya time, they couldn't wait to salam everyone coz they know they are going to get money. My son was aiming to buy a BMW with his raya money..yep, very ambitious. Not that we didn't celebrate raya when we were overseas but the atmosphere is different when you are home, much more happening..

My son's favourite meal now is nasi lemak, he can eat that anytime of the day..and that is easy, mommy can just buy at the stall. My daughter loves the taufufa..really look forward to go to pasar malam! They are slowly learning Malay, now they understand more or less what we say but they still are not confident in replying in least they are trying.

I told my kids that we might have to go and stay in another foreign country again for a few years. My son said he wish we can just stay in Malaysia as it is the best place in the world! How about kids have been "Malaysianised"..

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It's time to go

Just talk to my friend whose mom just passed away a few days ago. I know I should have called earlier but didn't have the guts to do it. I just don't know what to say, and even if I do, i could not say it coz I'd be all choked up. And yes, I did all the crying just now, and she sounded so calm telling me how her mom got sick and was admitted to the hospital, within 24 hours, my friend lost her mom. But she is glad her mom didn't suffer. And she had the privilege to mandi and kapankan her mom, which made cried me even harder. She really took care of her mom during her last day but she was a bit disappointed coz she was not there when her mom passed away as she was home for a while to see her three kids. All I managed to say was I hope she'll be okay and told her even though it really hurts, time heals.

This one I know as I also lost my dad 15 years ago. And it was sudden, heart attack. He left in the morning to go to a meeting when my brothers and I were still sleeping, the next thing we knew, his friend came to tell us he was in the hospital. What we didn't know, that he died on the way to the hospital. It was devastating for us especially my mom. We didn't have the chance to say goodbye and asked for forgiveness. The night before, we went out for a dinner, not knowing that was our last one together with my dad. And before he went to bed, he told me to take care of the house coz he felt tired. It sounded weird but I didn't take notice of it. Only now I know what he meant. How I wish we had more time with him but when it's to go, it's time to go, no matter what. Al-Fatihah.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Housewife i loathe that word yet i am choice?..not really...had to quit my job coz following my hubby who got posted overseas..well, i could have stayed here and him being over there, but being old school i guess, family comes first. For me, a family needs to stay together..i do know few friends who live separately from their spouse and some didn't have any problems with that, but not me..i would be feeling guilty, having the kids apart from their dad. Anyway, being a housewife really bugs me, yep, even though it has been nearly ten years. My friends who are working do envy me having leisure time, not worrying about work and being yelled at by the boss. Well, there are two sides to a coin so there are some cons that come with being a housewife. Financial dependency on your hubby is one, which was a bit difficult for me, and still is, as I was financially dependent during my single days, having scholarship during my students days and have had worked for a few years. And for me, I feel by being a housewife, I am not really using my brain..the only writing I do is the groceries list..well, actually now that my kids have gone to school, I do a bit of writing in the communication book to their teachers but that's about it. That's why now I am starting my blog,at least I can get my brain going again and also get a few things off my chest.

Some people think that it's good that the mothers stay at home and take care of their kids coz then the children's upbringing is better than being left with the maid. But being cooped up at home and having to do all the housework and not being able to do things for yourself without feeling guilty, does take a toll on you and the anger and frustration would be let out on the kids by yelling at them for no good reason. So that's a catch 22 situation there, isn't it? Patience is really important and I am still working on it.

Monday, October 13, 2008


I have been wanting to write for quite a while but i just don't know how or where or when to start..."don't" means until now i still don't know..urgh!!!!!!!!!Not wanting to make mistakes or being disappointed also stopped me from starting sooner. Other excuses would be me being a mom, always busy with the housework, my son's school activities..(in fact just came back from one..ang hey..still got time to di this..yeay for me!), feeling guilty that if i spend time doing my writing, I am not be spending quality time with my kids...etc..etc...But I know, they are all excuses..when there's a will, there's a way....As of right now, I am taking some "time off" for five minutes..well maybe it has been already ten minutes..with my snail-like typing ....well..gotta go now..need to cook...Excuses?????????

Monday, August 25, 2008

should i or should i not?

to start this blog, i have been contemplating whether to do it or not...scared that i might write the wrong thing or even worse write something stupid..but today, decided to have ago at it and see how it many things that i want to write about but really don't how to express it. have a friend who is an excellent writer and she advised me to start here's to you my friend...wish me luck...